Simmons' Senseless Doc Diatribe

Now that Doc has won his first of what will be hopefully many coaching-related awards this year, I thought it would be interesting to revisit one of Bill Simmons many anti-Doc rants from last year. In this rant, Simmons explains exactly why Doc is a lousy coach. His points in bold black, mine in normal font.

1. Lousy record in close games. "Close games" means "any game with a final margin of five points or less." In those games, the Celtics are currently 5-11.

It could be the coaching, or, maybe it was the fact that the Celtics' roster had four players with no college experience, and several others who had only minimal college experience, combined with the fact that their veterans, Pierce, Wally, Tony Allen, Scalabrine, and Theo Ratliff missed a boatload of games due to injury.

2. Too many turnovers. The Celtics average 16.6 turnovers a game ... only the Knicks (17.0) are worse.

See answer to 1. above.

3. Too many offensive rebounds allowed. The Celts grab 10.0 offensive rebounds a game (26th in the league) and give up 12.2 (24th) for a differential of minus-2.2 (only Phoenix is worse).

So the fact that the Suns were worse than the Cs in giving up offensive glass means that Phoenix had a worse coach than Boston? Bill, ever heard the phrase "self-refuting proposition?"

4. Not enough winning streaks. Given the rhythms of a six-month season, even decent teams should peak two or three times per year.

The operative word here is "team." Once you factor in the injuries to veterans, the injuries to key younger players like Perkins and West and Jefferson, and the inconsistent, unreliable, abysmal play of others such as Sebastian Telfair, a winning streak of even two seems a bit surprising.

5. Opposing 3-point percentage. This category shows whether you're giving up too many wide-open 3s -- well coached defenses like the Spurs rotate well.

So Doc isn't as good as Poppovich. Fine. This proves precisely nada. Let's move on.

6. Lousy record on the road. Poorly coached teams usually get eaten alive away from home.

Young and injured teams also perform poorly on the road. Even the best team of all time had a markedly worse record on the road. The 1985-86 Cs were 82-18 in the regular season and playoffs combined, but 50-1 at home. Now take into account inexperience and injury, and you magnify road difficulties by a factor of 100.

7. Lack of a consistent rotation. The single biggest sign of a bad coach: Someone who can't settle on an eight-man or nine-man rotation.

Heavens, what was the rotation supposed to be? Other than Jefferson and Pierce, nobody else was worth a darn, and even the players who on paper stand out as more talented--Wally, Ratliff, and Perkins--weren't available to play for most of the season due to injury.

8. Downright stupidity. It's the little things that makes the 2005-06 Celtics so frustrating to follow. Like Rip Hamilton getting a wide-open look with 0.8 seconds remaining to sink a buzzer-beater.

Huh. So it's Doc's fault that one of his players missed a defensive assignment?

Give me a break.

Doc had a couple of bad seasons with the Cs, bad seasons that, in the end, helped rid themselves of Raef's and Wally's contracts, and net themselves Ray Allen and KG. Even if there was no silver lining for Doc's two losing seasons in Boston, it's not as if some of the better coaches in NBA history have never suffered through some humiliating seaons.

Don Nelson had 14-, 16-, and 19-win seasons, and Lenny Wilkens managed only 24 victories with Toronto in 2002-03.

Bottom line: Some of Bill Simmons rants are funny, and some are informative.

This particular one was largely neither.