In October 2000, Herald columnist Gerry Callahan tried to explain the sorry state of affairs on the local sports scene.
``Boston has become the skid row of professional sports, a sad, squalid place where playoff pipe dreams go to die,'' he wrote. ``Here we sit in Loserville, USA, wallowing in regret and misery . . .''
Loserville, USA.
Perfect.
Sure, it all seems rather amusing now, we being all high and mighty and sitting red-faced from our embarrassment of sports riches. Since then, the Patriots have won three Super Bowls, the Red Sox have chased away decades of demons and futility with two World Series championships and the Celtics, led by a Big Three that is fast becoming a Big Four, are defending NBA champions.
Even the Bruins, the heretofore doormat of Boston professional sports, have become a noise-making, goal-scoring, glove-dropping force to be reckoned with in the National Hockey League.
And if you want to throw college sports into the mix, Boston College's hockey team won the NCAA championship this past April and the Eagles football team went into yesterday's ACC championship game against Virginia Tech with a chance to play in the Orange Bowl.
Loservillle, USA, is no more . . . correct? Well, no. See, Loserville, USA, did not disappear. Instead, like some kind of cheap, corrupt carnival that has been run out of town by the sheriff, it has simply moved someplace else to pitch its tent anew.
Which brings us to . . .
Seattle: the new Loserville, USA!!!
It all hit home with me the other day, while looking up stats pertaining to the Seattle Seahawks, who host the playoff-hungry Patriots today. The Pats have a couple of fine wide receivers in Randy Moss and Wes Welker, and the mission here was to see if the Seahawks were as bad on pass protection as advertised.
Yep: They're 32nd in the league in pass protection.
The Seahawks are 32nd in the league, or close to it, in a lot of things.
Which should help explain their 2-10 record.
But to suggest that it must be tough to be a Seahawks fan in these trying times, that doesn't even begin to tell the whole story.
Try being a sports fan in general out in the new Loserville, USA.
Let's start with Seattle's baseball team, the Mariners. Going into the 2008 season, the Mariners looked pretty good on paper and were considered by some to have a shot at winning the American League's wild, wild West. And then the season started. The Mariners kept losing . . . and losing . . . and losing.
The Mariners did the right thing and fired manager John McLaren. Enter Jim Riggleman as interim skipper. And the Mariners kept losing . . . and losing . . . and losing. By mid-September, it looked as though the Mariners would need to do a complete tank job to hit 100 losses.
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`We can do that!'' they said to a man.
When they were done, the Mariners had lost 101 games.
Yea, team!
At least Seattle still HAS a baseball team. The same cannot be said of its National Basketball Association team, the once-and-former Seattle Sonics. They have relocated to Oklahoma City and now call themselves the Thunder.
Check this out: Seattle has won two championships in its history, both by teams that no longer exist. The Seattle Metropolitans of the Pacific Coast Hockey Association won the Stanley Cup in 1917, defeating the Montreal Canadiens, and the Seattle SuperSonics, as they were calling themselves at the time, won the NBA championship in 1979.
Oh, and if you want to again bring college sports into the discussion, the University of Washington football team concluded its first winless season yesterday by falling to California, 48-7. When they played USC a few weeks back, the Huskies were 42-point underdogs. The Trojans easily covered, emerging with a 56-0 victory. Which brings us back to today's Patriots opponent, the Seahawks. How bad are they? Think 1990. Think the Pats. Think Rod Rust. Yes, they are that bad.
Seattle: Loserville, USA.
Be kind, New Englanders, if you happen to run into a Seattle sports fan today. Remember, you were in their stinky shoes once. And you just never know. You could be there again.
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